You gain a friend....
You loose a friend...
You make up...
You gain a friend...
You loose a friend....
You make up...
I think You get the hint here right?! When it comes to friendships everything makes perfect sense yet at the same time... NOTHING makes sense.
So how do you make sense of it all?
To be honest with you...I have no freakin clue! Do you cry, laugh, be mad, be happy as you go through that cycle particularly the "loosing a friend" part (this part hurts tremendously! I'm telling you this from personal experience)
Something no one really knows about me; I hint to it sometimes but most of the time people don't get the hint (it happens, it's okay), is I have lost just about and practically every single friend I have ever made! No joke!
So here's the deal, I grew up with practically the same 4ish friends all from 1st grade to graduating high school. I made other friends along the way but they were always there and always constant. When I hit college those 4 friends and I started to drift apart for some reason. (Now I could go on about the true reason we drifted apart instead of fibbing to myself here but thats a whole nother post in itself). I made other friends in college but here is the thing; one yr we were friends but once the new yr (so a new fall semester started) we were less of friends. This never made sense to me. How could you be so close to someone at one point in time yet drift SOO far apart the next second...
During college this was a particularly hard thing to deal with... I went through a ton, like A TON in college; I could have definitely used a steady friend then.
So this hit me really hard with one friend I had. Her and I (so I thought) were close. I mean we enjoyed just about all the same things like fitness (which I was still figuring out what that meant to me at the time), horses, music, what it meant to relax (bonfire, friends, beer...), we even had this weird fascination with walking in the grass with our boots on (strange but the grass feels so much better than concrete!). I totally loved this chick as my friend; but every year that went by we grew farther apart till finally she graduated and went off to be totally amazing because that's the kind of person she is, however I couldn't help but wonder what was I to her- a placeholder for something better....
Another friend that really impacted me was one I made recently. We hit it off like the second we met. I was like "You have a nose ring, me too... lets be friends..." Corny but so corny its awesome and you know you laughed lol Whether it was baseball, wine, movies, tv shows, boys, fitness... you named it we enjoyed it together like friends should! Something has happened... Something has changed.... our friendship is not the same as it used to be.... (I have my theories about what happened but it's too raw and way to personal at this time to share and doesn't deal directly with this post). The point is yet again I have lost/a friendship of mine has majorly changed.
So how does one deal with all the hurt and loss??
LIKE A FREAKIN NINJA!!! DUH!!!
haha :) just kidding (kinda).
One thing I have learned with dealing with all this is to be true and honest with myself and how I am feeling through it all! I am super intuitive (God granted me with this gift) which is why Im so good with animals; but my intuition is what lets me know almost right away when things are about to change. When this happens I get so scared! This is change, change I didn't ask for or want but forced upon me, you'd be scared too. I then cycle through mad, angry, hurt, sad, confused, depressed, numb, forward thinking and happy.
Thats a lot to cycle through for one person I know, but that's what happens. So instead of suppressing it (which makes things worse) I embrace it. I let it all go and work through it all! Im a happier person and healthier emotionally for doing so too (you should try it). But back to the whole friendship thing. It sucks, oh golly gee does it suck to loose a friend; but every friend I have ever had has taught me something about myself and life that I needed to learn. I could point out all the lessons but that would take FOREVER :)
We've all heard the cliche that people come into your life for a reason and leave your life for a reason as well. This cliche never worked for me.
So what Ive recently (like super recently lol) discovered and thought about is what if instead of thinking about how friends have come and gone to teach you a lesson that your friends have grown, shed, stretched, died as you have grown as a person.
I'll say that again for you....
What if like the seasons of the earth, your friends have Grown, Blossomed, Stretched, Shedded, and Died along with how you have developed as a person.
If we all had the exact same friends, I mean precisely the same friends we had when we were 2yrs old. How much growth as a person do you think we would have? (Granted there are some friendships that are that way, where the two parties were super lucky to find each other and grow/change alongside each other through all the years, but not my point here). What I am more talking about are the ones that come and go. They come and go with how we grow as a person.
I say this because with every friend I gained and lost I have grown soooo much. I am not, nor do I want to be, the same person I was 1yr, 4yrs, 6yrs, 9yrs ago. I have learned so much and I am a stronger person for it.
Sure I wish I could rekindle some of the friendships I had before like the two mentioned here, but I only want that to happen if its suppose to happen organically. Otherwise I will have regressed back into old habits that maybe weren't so good for me.
So... embrace the loss, because with the loss brings growth and with the growth brings a stronger, happier and wiser you.
Be a Ninja, peacefully embrace the growth.
Author: Courtney Rasbach
Courtney loves God, nature, horses, homemaking, essential oils, herbs, Yoga, and Natural horsemanship. Learn more about the author in her Bio section.
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